Wednesday, October 20, 2010

No Teabagging Beyond This Point (Part II)

To read Part I, which explains what teabagging is and its history, click here.  I hate to say this so bluntly, but…

Teabagging is stupid.

I’m just warning you, this might turn into a rant.  But hopefully, it will be a very entertaining rant.  So don’t even try to stop me.

teabag

As you should know by now, I think teabagging is the epitome of immaturity in video games.  I have yet to understand the carnal need driving some gamers to do it.  There are two main reasons for this:

Do You Realize What You’re Doing?!

Seriously! As if I didn’t spell it out enough yesterday, imageteabagging is the act of putting your balls in another person’s face.  It started as a homosexual practice, but obviously a male can do it to either gender.  Okay, I realize that teabagging in video games is supposed to be a final statement of “owning” an opponent; being better than them; pwning; getting a kick-ass kill.  But really, when you look at the reality of it, the “you” in the video game is forcibly putting your crotch on the lifeless body of an opponent.  You know what they call that in real life?  Necrophilia.  That’s right.  Necro-freakin-philia.  Know what that means?  Definitions vary from sexual attraction for, intercourse with, or sexual contact with a dead body.

So guess what, teabaggers?  You’re necrophiliacs!  Hope you find some sort of comfort in that. 

Okay, okay, so that might be a stretch.  Most of you would claim that it’s just a video game.  But in the future, when Kinect makes a multiplayer shooter game or we have achieved virtual reality gaming (c’mon, you know that’s the direction we’re going), are you really going to stand there in your living room and awkwardly crouch over the carpet as your friends secretly snap pictures to upload to the internet and shame you?  Some of you might think that giving up teabagging in lieu of a virtual reality experience, but gamers freaked when the Halo: Reach alpha testing threatened the act of teabagging.

This is not, by the way, because I’m a girl.  There are multiple, multiple female gamers who rejoice in the act of teabagging.  Which, to me, seems like a form of penis envy.  Electra complex, anyone?

 

There is NO Purpose (Anymore)

As I mentioned earlier, teabagging is supposed to be a final statement of “owning” an opponent; being better than them; pwning; getting a kick-ass kill.  But it’s simply not that anymore, which is a reason I think it should be done away with.  No matter how great (or crappy) of a gamer you are, there has been a time when playing online matchmaking in Halo that some noob has gotten a lucky kill, but the minute your body hits the floor that noob is swarming around you, teabagging the armor off your corpse. 

Teabagging has lost any meaning, any “artform” it might have had.  Speaking of which, it appalls me that people claim there is an art to teabagging.  Really?  I guess it makes sense; most necrophiliacs think there’s something special in what they do, too.

With anyone, including the 12-year-old whiny boy who just picked up a controller to play Halo with his friend, willing to and choosing to teabag constantly, the meaning that used to be attached to the video game teabag has suddenly become totally moot.  If there is a point to teabagging anymore, it’s to piss off the player whose corpse is getting bludgeoned by your incessant assault with your pelvic armor.

 

So there you have it.  Teabagging sucks. 

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for visiting Cheap Geeks Anonymous and aiding me in my quest for world domination!

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.