Tuesday, March 22, 2011

3 Reasons Being A Female Superhero Sucks

  • Keeping Up Appearances
    • You think fighting crime, saving the world, and looking sexy is easy?  WRONG!  Not only do I have Black Canaryto fight criminals (who are mostly men, by the way) in a super-tight costume that leaves nothing to the imagination and run around wearing high heels all the time, but I also have to constantly watch what I eat and work out.  While the men can celebrate saving the city with a pizza party and beer, I’m stuck with water and a salad.  I’m always working out to keep my body toned and hot.  Think about it:  you’ve never seen an overweight superheroine, have you? You don’t want to see me in latex after I gain a few pounds. 
  • It’s Expensive!
    • PowergirlWhat happens whenever that custom-made costume rips?  I need a new one! I can’t just stop off at Target and pick one up--no, I need a whole new one made with the best-quality fabrics and materials.  The same applies to any other accessory or tool I have.  Bruce Wayne is lucky he’s a billionaire; he doesn’t have to worry if the Batmobile gets a dent.  I’m also stuck spending money on top-quality makeup and hair care so I don’t look bad doing my job.  I have to buy supplies that won’t fade over time; how horrible would it be if my makeup ran from sweat or my hair got floppy in the midst of battle?  Most people don’t think about this, but it’s not as if I get paid to save the city or the world.  People expect superheroes to do that...plus, there are no insurance plans!
  • The Fans
    • Because of my tight, skin-revealing outfit andX-men Storm constantly working out to make sure I look good in that outfit, I always have perverted fans whose one fantasy is a night alone with me.  Sure, it’s flattering at first to be so many pubescent boys’ wet dreams, but it gets old.  Fast.  On the other hand are feminists who hate me because of my costumes and that I’m “a sex object”.  They don’t care that I’m saving people...no, it’s all about my appearance with them...and the fans!

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