Sunday, January 22, 2012

Is This Thing On?

I've been putting this post off for entirely too long.

Do I even remember how to do this anymore?

Well...*ahem*...I feel as if anyone still devoted enough to read this deserves an apology from me.

It's been...well, let's be honest here--months--since I last updated this blog. I always meant to come back! I swear! (Doesn't this, what I'm doing right now still show that? I'm a good blogger...? Yeah, right.

Well, sorry. If that means anything at this point.

Here's the short-and-sweet version of my absence:

Something totally happened in my life to bring everything I ever wanted and hoped and dreamed to come crashing down. I couldn't muster up the ambition to keep doing anything. My classes suffered, and this blog suffered as well. I was fully ready to never write another post again. I just didn't have it in me. Eventually, things started to look up, but I felt guilty for having not updated. So I procrastinated (I'm good at that!). And procrastinated. Then things got really good, but I was still too guilty to write.

Then I realized that I wasn't exactly happy with how this blog was going anyway. I looked back at my last dozen or so posts and sort of thought to myself Who the hell was writing this? Because it isn't me. Now that I think about it, I was way too concerned with getting traffic and comments to write like myself. I was starting to lose my own voice in the mess of utter shit I didn't care about but I thought other people would.

So overall I realized that I felt guilty, but also didn't know what the hell to do to start up again. How do I explain to anyone still reading that I want to change things, but don't know how? Well, this is me trying.

I don't know if I'm going to be updating Cheap Geeks Anonymous anymore. I definitely want to, but I still have to figure out how to make this something I am happy to do again.

In the meantime, the catalyst that urged me to write this post is the fact that I had to start up a Wordpress blog for an online class I'm taking this semester. While most of what I'm writing over there is primarily for class, you may find what I'm writing there interesting. If so, click to visit it: Real Women Wear Corsets. I can't say I will be updating here again for a while, so if you want to read my writing again on any sort of regular basis, you'll have to pop in over there.

What I'm hoping is that the class awakens the enthusiasm I used to have for blogging. I hope that it gets rid of the "people-pleaser" part of me that cares how many comments or visits my blog gets, and coax out the me that just wants to fucking write. And hey, if people like the just fucking write! me, then I'll gain readership that way.

So. That's what's new.

Until next time,

The Estranged Owner of This Blog


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